


Rollin' With My Homies

by orphan_account



Category: Vampire: The Masquerade – Bloodlines (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Jokes, Betrayal, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Friendship, Gen, Ghouls, Group Chat Fic, Group chat, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Sex, Slang, Swearing, Texting, This Is STUPID, Vampires, but really fun so, there are so many characters fuck me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:07:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26463904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Fledgling decides to make a group chat to keep in constant contact with the ones they know, and the ones they'll meet along the way.untitled chat -  Oct. 11th, 8:27 p.m.Fledgling has added Sebastian, Nines, Beckett, and 10 othersFledgling: rq guys are unicorns real??Sebastian has left the chatFledgling: honestly i don’t blame him lmao
Relationships: Bertram Tung/Jeanette Voerman, Fledgling & Mercurio (Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines), Fledgling/Mercurio (Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines), Jeanette Voerman & Fledgling, Knox Harrington & Fledgling, Knox Harrington & Mercurio, Relationship Tags to Be Added, Sebastian LaCroix & Fledgling, Therese Voerman & Fledgling
Comments: 57
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a casual side project thing while I work on an actual serious fic with dark plot but then I actually had a lot of fun writing this and then it escalated and now I want to follow the game's plot in this format with most if not all the characters in this stupid group chat fic thing so here you go. You didn't ask. I didn't ask. We got it anyway
> 
> I'll try to keep updates regular but classes have me cracked in addition to longer projects so I may fall behind a bit
> 
> I'm going to include relationships in this, I'm just trying to figure out which ones I want atm
> 
> Additionally some notes about this fic:
> 
> \- I've written it to take place in the current year. It can take place in 2004 if you want but a lot of the slang/lingo/references won't make sense  
> \- This is a small headcannon I guess but for this fic, instead of Jack sending the Fledgling off to Santa Monica right away, he took them around and introduced them to the downtown vamps so that's why they're in the chat. Sebastian and the Sheriff are here as well because I like the idea of the Fledgling going to the tower to harass them after meeting everybody  
> \- Beckett is here too for no other reason than he's a cool character and I enjoy him and I want him here from the get-go  
> \- For a reference point, Fledgling is about to go into the beach house for the astrolite (but they've already met Therese/Jeanette)  
> \- Fledgling has met all Santa Monica ghouls (including Heather but they don't mention her as she doesn't have a major role at this point in time)  
> \- Fledgling will never be referred to by name/gender/clan/etc.  
> \- I don't remember the exact time the game takes place but I think it's October, so I've taken some liberties with that
> 
> Sorry for the info dump but I think that's it. Title will probably change eventually as well. If you have any questions let me know!

**untitled chat - Oct. 11th, 8:27 p.m.**

**_Fledgling_ ** _has added_ **_Sebastian, Nines, Beckett,_ ** _and 10 others_

 **Fledgling:** rq guys are unicorns real??

 **_Sebastian_ ** _has left the chat_

 **Fledgling:** honestly i don’t blame him lmao

 **Damsel:** ummm???

 **Mercurio:** Unicorns? Whaddya wanna know about unicorns?

 **Mercurio:** And why’d you make a group chat with all of us to ask lol

 **Fledgling:** i gotta know first. i await your answers eagerly 

**Beckett:** To answer your question, yes. Unicorns do in fact exist. There is a myriad of supernatural creatures hiding just beyond the mystical veil, that of which hinders mortal vision.

 **Knox:** lyrist type beat

 **Fledgling:** ^^^^ even his words are beautiful, ilysm Beckett

 **Beckett:** That’s... nice. 

**Beckett:** I am curious myself - why ask such a peculiar question?

 **Fledgling:** there’s this guy at the beach and i’m broke

 **Mercurio:** I left you $100!?

 **Fledgling:** L.A. lockpicks stupid pricey g

 **Jack:** Kid, you picked one up when we weaseled our way past the Sabbat.

 **Fledgling:** yea but i lost it

 **Nines:** Jack how are they going to get through this if they can’t even hold on to a lockpick lmfao

 **Damsel:** also you do realize most of us hate each other?? but you threw us all into a chat together anyways???

 **Fledgling:** but you guys don’t hate me <3

 **Fledgling:** do it for lil ol me c'mon 

**Fledgling:** i will be the glue that holds this family together

 **Maximillian:** While it's true that many of us have our differences, I must say I am certainly intrigued by this "group chat". I've not been known to have a penchant for the technological aspects of life, but I do think this could prove to be interesting.

 **Jeanette:** yeah I think it's a great idea !! Maybe some of you guys will even learn to work out your differences !! ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

 **Therese:** I agree with my sister. It can be a source of entertainment, if nothing else.

 **Vandal:** If the Goddess Queen approves, so do I.

 **Knox:** simping will not be tolerated in this chat Vandal

 **Skelter:** what he said ^^

 **Fledgling:** well would ya look at that

 **Fledgling:** thought y'all were gonna let this die before i even asked my unicorn question lmao but i'm honestly so pumped that didn't happen 

**_Fledgling_ ** _has changed the chat name to_ **_Suckhead Super Squad_ **

**_Fledgling_ ** _had added_ **_Sebastian_ **

**_Fledgling_ ** _has changed their name to_ **_i'm baby ♡_ **

**i'm baby ♡:** here you all are, in my circle of everlasting love

 **i'm baby ♡:** and since naming privileges belong only to moi 

**i'm baby ♡:** i get to think of seriously stupid nicknames for all of you 

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Vandal's_ ** _name to_ **_ass master_ **

**ass master:** I will sunder the pale frailty of your undead flesh and feed you the quivering pink of your own insides.

 **i'm baby ♡:** don't even front you're 100% a bottom feeder

 **i'm baby ♡:** there is no possible way you're not dying to eat Therese's ass and i'm only pretending you haven't already just to be polite

 **_ass master_ ** _has gone offline_

 **Knox:** man didn't even put up a fight lmfaooo

 **_Sebastian_ ** _has left the chat_

 **Knox:** and no comment from Therese either

 **Therese:** I have _several_ comments I would like to make. However, unlike some of you, I have the tact to keep them to myself.

 **i'm baby ♡:** sorry Therese but your ghoul is fun to bully

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has added_ **_Sebastian_ **

**_Sebastian_ ** _has left the chat_

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has added_ **_Sebastian_ **

**_Sebastian_ ** _has left the chat_

 **i'm baby ♡:** oh my gooooood 

**i'm baby ♡** _has added_ **_Sebastian_ **

**Sebastian:** Stop adding me. I don't have time for childish prattle.

 **Damsel:** sToP aDdInG mE I dOn'T hAVe TimE fOr cHiLDisH pRaTtLe [mockingspongebob.jpeg](https://pyxis.nymag.com/v1/imgs/09c/923/65324bb3906b6865f904a72f8f8a908541-16-spongebob-explainer.rsquare.w700.jpg)

 **_Sebastian_ ** _has left the chat_

 **i'm baby ♡:** i'm actually losing my fucking mind

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has added_ **_Sebastian_ **

**i'm baby ♡:** stop leaving :(

 **i'm baby ♡:** you're supposed to be my adoptive sire :((

 **i'm baby ♡:** don't you love me :(((

 **Sebastian:** I've no desire to interact with the majority of the individuals in this group. My departure is not a commentary on you. Surely you can message me privately?

 **i'm baby ♡:** as your beloved childe i ask that you please partake in this group bonding activity 

**i'm baby ♡:** pretty please

 **i'm baby ♡:** the prettiest of pleases

 **Mercurio:** Boss, you can just mute the chat

 **Sebastian:** I suppose that will suffice.

 **i'm baby ♡:** yay!!!!!!

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Mercurio's_ ** _name to_ **_best homeboy ever™_ **

**best homeboy ever™:** Hey I can dig this nickname 

**i'm baby ♡:** that's great cuz I dig you ( ˘ ³˘)

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Sebastian's_ ** _name to_ **_surrogate daddy_ **

**Nines:** Uhh are you sure about _that_ nickname kid 

**i'm baby ♡:** no

 **Knox:** lmao well since he muted the chat he probably won't know 

**Nines:** Fair enough lmao

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Maximillian's_ ** _name to_ **_vamp gramp_ **

**vamp gramp:** I should argue that nickname for the sake of pride, but I truly am old enough to be your grandfather - about ten times over, at that.

 **i'm baby ♡:** do not be ashamed of your astronomical age, sweet elder. it doesn't change the fact that you are a beautiful man to behold 

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Knox's_ ** _name to_ **_simp patrol_ **

**simp patrol:** hell the fuck to the yeah!!!

 **i'm baby ♡:** aw yea i am stoked that you're stoked about your nickname Knox!!! 

**i'm baby ♡:** Knox Harrington, ultimate anti-simp 

**i'm baby ♡:** n e way i've gotta bounce

 **i'm baby ♡:** i've got a house to raid

 **i'm baby ♡:** nicknames to brainstorm

 **i'm baby ♡:** i will catch you all on the flip side

_**i'm baby ♡** has gone offline _

**Skelter:** definitely not what I expected to be a part of tonight

 **Nines:** Same but I'm not mad about it 

**Nines:** Anyways the night is young and I need to feed, see you guys around

 **_Nines_ ** _has gone offline_

 **_best homeboy ever™_ ** **:** On that note, I have some stuff to take care of as well

 **simp patrol:** you need any help man?

 **_best homeboy ever™_ ** **:** Now that you mention it, yeah, some help would be a godsend

 **simp patrol:** say no more

 **_simp patrol_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 13th, 11:03 p.m.**

**Therese:** _@i'm baby ♡_

 **i'm baby ♡:** m'lady 

**simp patrol:** careful there I don't think ass master would appreciate your fedora tipping

 **i'm baby ♡:** ass master Vandal will learn to appreciate me whether he wants to or not

 **Nines:** I've never met Vandal but he makes my soul itch

 **simp patrol:** he works at the blood bank in the basement of Santa Monica's Medical Clinic

 **simp patrol:** which also happens to connect to the morgue if you know where to go

 **Nines:** Holy shit that's perfect

 **Therese:** Would all of you stop discussing Vandal? He is a lowly and pathetic creature, unworthy of the contemplations of greater beings such as ourselves.

 **simp patrol:** jesus christ some regnants are brutal

 **Therese:** I simply wanted to ask the fledgling if they've gone to the Ocean House Hotel. 

**i'm baby ♡:** haha

 **i'm baby ♡:** nope!

 **Therese:** I wouldn't be so offhand if I were you. You know you need to complete that task for me if you want my help to progress.

 **i'm baby ♡:** okay okay fiiine 

**Therese:** Good. I await your return.

 **_Therese_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Knox - Private Messages - Oct. 13th 11:04 p.m.**

**Fledgling:** are you sure you don't know where Bertram is

 **Fledgling:** i'll get that creepy vampire for you but i really really really don't want to go to a haunted hotel

 **Knox:** nah man I'm sorry I don't know where he is 

**Knox:** you're like, a vampire now though? You won't have any trouble handling some ghosts I promise

 **Fledgling:** maybe but still. Terror 

**Fledgling:** that kinda stuff was all different when i was still alive, because even if you did believe in it 

**Fledgling:** you could never be 100% sure

 **Fledgling:** it was only just a possibility 

**Fledgling:** but now that i know vampires and unicorns and werewolves are all real, that means ghosts and demons are too

 **Fledgling:** i still haven't really wrapped my head around it

 **Knox:** hey I get what you mean

 **Knox:** I'm totally pumped to be working for Bertram but when he first appeared, it really took me out 

**Knox:** I might've shit myself I don't remember 

**Knox:** Bertram is NOT the kind of guy you'd expect to see in your life ever, let alone actually pop out of nowhere on what should have been a regular day 

**Knox:** but you get used to it and adapt

 **Knox:** I'm not totally sure how it works between vampires, but I know everyone's bossing you around and there's nothing you can really do about it but

 **Knox:** you'll find your footing eventually, it just takes time

 **Fledgling:** thank you Knox i really appreciate this 

**Fledgling:** it is really hard

 **Fledgling:** but you're right. all those other vamps were like me once 

**Fledgling:** look at them now

 **Knox:** exactly!

 **Knox:** I know you've got this :)

 **Fledgling:** yeah

 **Fledgling:** yeah okay i got this 

**Fledgling:** fuck it here i go let's see what happens


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the fastest I've ever updated anything ever

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 13th, 12:36 a.m.**

**i'm baby ♡:** OMFG NO

 **i'm baby ♡:** GUYS PLS

 **i'm baby ♡:** NONONO FUCK THIS 

**i'm baby ♡:** _@Therese_

 **i'm baby ♡:** _@Therese_

 **i'm baby ♡:** _@Therese_

 **Jeanette:** Therese is busy right now !! But I'm happy to help you with whatever you need !! (ᗒᗨᗕ)

 **i'm baby ♡:** Jeanette. i have fallen. through the stairs

 **Skelter:** how did you even manage to do something like that

 **i'm baby ♡:** well Skelter 

**i'm baby ♡:** you'll never believe this

 **i'm baby ♡:** but there were some stairs yea

 **Skelter:** heh, looks like I pushed a button

 **i'm baby ♡:** and i wanted to go up them

 **i'm baby ♡:** but when i tried 

**i'm baby ♡:** they collapsed and i fell right the fuck through

 **i'm baby ♡:** and now i'm in The Dark Scary Basement

 **Jeanette:** uh oh! That's not good >.<

 **Skelter:** are you really scared of the dark? As a vampire??? That's fucking hilarious 

**i'm baby ♡:** oh pardon meeeeee skelTeRrrrRRrrr sorry i'm not a big scary fierce vampire like yooouuuuu 

**i'm baby ♡:** i was literally reborn like yesterday

 **Skelter:** which is what makes bothering you even better

**i'm baby ♡:** [i'm gonna let that slide~](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptJfESL_fy8)

**i'm baby ♡:** Jeanette pls!!! there is a lady in a white dress running around down here i hear children crying i'm here alone and that makes all these noises very not okay

 **Jeanette:** you mean you don't hear children crying regularly ?

 **Skelter:** what the fuck is that even supposed to mean 

**Jeanette:** don't worry about it !!

 **i'm baby ♡:** pleASE GUYS I'M GOING IN CIRCLES AND I HEAR THE AXE GUY LAUGHING

 **Jeanette:** oh then that's easy !!

 **Jeanette:** just find him before he finds you !! Then you don't have to worry about it !! (＾ω＾)

 **i'm baby ♡:** that's- literally the last thing i want to do???

 **surrogate daddy:** In all two centuries worth of my unlife, I have never witnessed something so tragically pathetic.

 **i'm baby ♡:** DAD

 **i'm baby ♡:** YOU'RE HERE

 **surrogate daddy:** We will discuss my status as your father as well as the… _nickname_ you've deemed appropriate to give me, at a better time.

 **surrogate daddy:** Now, you are at the hotel, yes? In the basement?

 **i'm baby ♡:** yes

 **i'm baby ♡:** this is like Cory in the House except it's actually Cory in the Basement and Cory is very scared

 **surrogate daddy:** …

 **surrogate daddy:** Moving on.

 **Damsel:** i actually fucking can't with this holy shit

 **surrogate daddy:** If you are in the hotel's basement, the boiler room is likely nearby - the generator should be in there. Take a moment and collect yourself before you search. The spirit cannot hurt you.

 **i'm baby ♡:** no but he actually can he was chucking shit at me with like telekinesis or something and it really hurt and the lady ghost keeps whispering at me and if it keeps happening i'm gonna lose it

 **surrogate daddy:** Just take a _moment_ to regain your composure. Take breaths, if you absolutely must.

 **i'm baby ♡:** okay

 **i'm baby ♡:** okay i'm fine i'm looking now

 **Damsel:** sebastian? pulling his head out of his own ass?? long enough??? to help someone????

 **Damsel:** i don't believe it for a fucking second 

**surrogate daddy:** You'd do well to hold your tongue.

 **Damsel:** you can't hurt me here pretty boy

 **i'm baby ♡:** i found the boiler room but it's locked, i don't know enough about lock picking to get it open

 **Sheriff:** If I may.

 **Jack:** _M A G I L L A G O R I L L A_

 **Damsel:** jack just made _the_ ugliest noise-

 **i'm baby ♡:** oh man so did i thank you Jack i needed that 

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Sheriff's_ ** _name to_ **_magilla gorilla_ **

**magilla gorilla:** I will take this nickname in stride.

 **magilla gorilla:** You say there are two spirits. One seems intent to harm, while the other seems intent to help.

 **magilla gorilla:** There is likely something you're missing and need to be searching for.

 **magilla gorilla:** That is all.

 **_magilla gorilla_ ** _has gone offline_

 **Jack:** I'll say it. I'm floored.

 **Jack:** The one and only Magilla Gorilla, speaking in the Suckhead chat.

 **i'm baby ♡:** Sebastian?

 **surrogate daddy:** Yes?

 **i'm baby ♡:** can i please call you while i do this

 **i'm baby ♡:** it would make me feel a lot better

 **surrogate daddy:** … Yes. Yes, I suppose you can.

 **i'm baby ♡:** thank you

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

 **Jack:** Now ain't that just the sweetest thing?

 **Jeanette:** yay i helped !! โ๏∀๏ใ

 **Damsel:** cammy bonding fuck that

 **Damsel:** yuck 

**Damsel:** one sec gotta vomit

 **simp patrol:** man you all kinds of dramatic 

**Damsel:** i couldn't give a drier shit about what you think of me

 **Damsel:** this is just another case of classic camarilla grooming 

**Damsel:** he doesn't give a shit about them

 **best homeboy ever™:** And why do you think you know that?

 **Damsel:** because it's TRUE!!! everyone knows what cammies are all about 

**best homeboy ever™:** I think that _you_ think you know everything about the Camarilla.

 **best homeboy ever™:** I, on the other hand, think you're completely wrong.

 **Damsel:** you're brainwashed and blind that's why

 **Damsel:** like i said i don't give a shit about anything you have to say

 **Beckett:** And yet you expect everyone to take interest in whatever point _you_ are trying to make.

 **Damsel:** because i know what i'm talking about!!!

 **Beckett:** I'm of a mind with Mercurio.

 **Beckett:** You claim to know what you're talking about and expect the attention of others, yet you shut down someone who may have a different perspective. An insider's perspective, at that.

 **Damsel:** why do you even care? you're not sided with either of us

 **Beckett:** No. But your quarrels are amusing as they are pointless.

 **Damsel:** it's not pointless!!!

 **Damsel:** why is the fledgling even relying on him?? he wanted to have them killed!!!

 **simp patrol:** hold that thought I need to get some popcorn

 **Damsel:** it makes no sense

 **Beckett:** Of course it does. He is the closest thing they have to a sire.

 **Beckett:** Their bond with their actual sire was severed only hours after their Embrace. That is bound to be detrimental, particularly emotionally. 

**Beckett:** Now they have Sebastian, and though their sire's death was his doing, he has still chosen to take them under his wing. Even if it won't be this way forever, it is natural for them to latch on to him emotionally at this point in time.

 **simp patrol:** like a surrogate daddy, if you will ;)

 **best homeboy ever™:** Silence, Knox

 **simp patrol:** you know I gotta try to ease the tension somehow

 **Damsel:** he was going to kill them and the only reason he didn't is because nines intervened!

 **Damsel:** they should know better!!

 **Beckett:** Ah, yes. I'm sure you knew _everything_ after your Embrace, didn't you.

 **Damsel:** you know what? fuck you

 **Damsel:** jack back me up here

 **Jack:** You're the one who chose this particular bone to pick with, Damsel. I'm just a bystander.

 **Damsel:** ugh whatever

 **Damsel:** i don't have to listen to this shit

 **_Damsel_ ** _has gone offline_

 **Beckett:** Brujah blood truly is more curse than blessing.

 **Jack:** I should take offense to that, but I know you're right from firsthand experience! Haha!

 **Beckett:** Yes, well.

 **Beckett:** I do hope they make it out okay.

 **Beckett:** It is all very difficult for a fledgling, especially when dealing with Kindred like that.

 **best homeboy ever™:** Yeah, no kiddin'

 **best homeboy ever™:** Shit'll give anyone a headache

 **best homeboy ever™:** Thanks for intervening too, though I know it wasn't out of loyalty or anything like that

 **Beckett:** You're welcome. Kindred politics are absolutely dreadful. The poor young ones are hardly left alone.

 **simp patrol:** I just wanna shitpost 

**simp patrol:** where's Vandal it's time to bully

 **Jeanette:** since Therese isn't around, Vandal won't be around !!

 **Jeanette:** when she's back he'll be back in the chat as well !! ヾ(^ ^ゞ

 **simp patrol:** you're breaking my heart Jeannie 

**simp patrol:** where's that creepy little burr when you want him

 **Jeanette:** if i could call him for you i would !! But he only listens to Therese !!

 **Jeanette:** but if you're bored…

 **Jeanette:** you can come see me !! ^.~

 **simp patrol:** I am the anti-simp

 **simp patrol:** I will not fall prey to your wicked whims

 **Nines:** "No, fiend! You can't have my virginity!!!"

 **vamp gramp:** It seems I was correct in my assumptions; this chat, it truly is a spectacular wonder.

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Mercurio - Private Messages - Oct. 13th 1:05 a.m.**

**Mercurio:** Hey I'm not sure if you're still in the hotel and on the phone with Sebastian

 **Mercurio:** But I just wanted to make sure you're doing alright 

**Mercurio:** I'll be around for a couple more hours if you need anything

 **Mercurio:** You just let me know, ok?

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Mercurio - Private Messages - Oct. 13th 2:17 a.m.**

**Fledgling:** hey i'm sorry i just got out now

 **Mercurio:** No need to apologize!

 **Mercurio:** How'd it go, with the hotel and phoning the boss and all

 **Fledgling:** the hotel wasn't great 

**Fledgling:** i honestly wasn't expecting… that

 **Fledgling:** i know it shouldn't have but it really freaked me out 

**Fledgling:** Sebastian stayed on the phone with me the whole time though, even when i started crying lmao

 **Fledgling:** then i started crying harder because i didn't realize vampires cry blood. it really was not the ideal time to make that discovery 

**Mercurio:** Holy shit yeah no kidding 

**Fledgling:** anyway i don't think Sebastian was super thrilled about the whole situation lol but he was calm and he was nice to me

 **Fledgling:** n that's all i really wanted

 **Mercurio:** Hey that's great, I'm glad to hear that and I'm glad you made it out alright

 **Fledgling:** yea me too

 **Fledgling:** hey um can i ask you something 

**Mercurio:** Of course you can 

**Fledgling:** can i crash at your place for the day

 **Fledgling:** i'll sleep on the floor or something i'm just 

**Fledgling:** kinda shaken up right now, i don't wanna be alone

 **Mercurio:** Yeah, yeah of course you can

 **Mercurio:** I'll set up a bed on the couch for you - I've cleaned all the blood off don't worry

 **Fledgling:** thank you so much Mercurio 

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 13th 2:19 a.m.**

**i'm baby ♡:** for fucks sake really 

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm gone for a few hours and someone has a bitch fit over me calling the prince?

 **i'm baby ♡:** at least he's been providing me with _some_ kind of direction to help me navigate some of this

 **i'm baby ♡:** the rest of you either dicked off, or boss me around as well

 **i'm baby ♡:** like you're no better

 **i'm baby ♡:** the only reason i even went to the hotel was to do a task for someone else because _they_ didn't want to do it

 **i'm baby ♡:** and he was the only one willing to help me out because i was distressed, aside from the Sheriff's weird messages

 **i'm baby ♡:** and you wanna tell me what i should or shouldn't know and what i should or shouldn't think

 **i'm baby ♡:** i think he's been nicer than most of you 

**i'm baby ♡:** only one of you even bothered to check up on me

 **Skelter:** calm down

 **i'm baby ♡:** no i think i've earned the right to be a little fucking upset right now

 **i'm baby ♡:** you Anarchs weren't even particularly nice to me when Jack brought me around to visit briefly, except for Nines. and then one of your pals gets all pissy because I'm not seeing something the way she thinks i should see it

 **Jeanette:** i'm sorry i didn't really know what to do !!!!! :(

 **simp patrol:** hey I'm sorry man I didn't think I should get involved, I kinda learned to follow after my master, he and I both kind of do our own things and stick to the sidelines

 **i'm baby ♡:** no no it's okay 

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm sorry guys

 **i'm baby ♡:** Skelter's right i guess

 **i'm baby ♡:** my anger is directed at Damsel not you guys, but she's not around right now

 **Nines:** It's okay kid, it's healthy to vent

 **Nines:** Nobody's upset with you 

**Nines:** She's part of my coterie, I'll talk to her 

**_Nines_ ** _has gone offline_

 **i'm baby ♡:** but there is something i want to make perfectly clear

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has given moderation status to_ **_Beckett, best homeboy ever™,_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ **

**i'm baby ♡:** i don't want any politics or angsty rages (i know i'm having one right now sorryyyy) or commandeering in this chat and that goes for everybody

 **i'm baby ♡:** including me lol 

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm not saying you can't go about that business in real life or talk to me about it privately whether it be in person or in our own personal messages

 **i'm baby ♡:** just don't bring that shit here 

**i'm baby ♡:** keep the animosity in this chat to a minimum, please. that's all i ask

 **Jeanette:** can do !!

 **Skelter:** I can handle that, yeah

 **vamp gramp:** I have no issue adhering to these regulations. I prefer to play the role of observer, anyway.

 **simp patrol:** yeah sounds great!! And you gave me and Beckett and Mercurio moderation status?

 **i'm baby ♡:** yea. If someone gets too out of hand you guys can speak to them about it, and if it's really bad mute them for like 30 minutes or something

 **i'm baby ♡:** Beckett and Mercurio are really level headed and Knox is just naturally relaxed about stuff like that. i trust you guys to handle that kind of thing without getting too heated

 **i'm baby ♡:** i don't mean to add all those rules but i just really want this to be a space where we don't have to worry about that kind of stuff 

**i'm baby ♡:** i understand that you guys have your differences but you guys are at each other's throats all the time. wouldn't it be nice to take a break from that sometimes?

 **i'm baby ♡:** if that doesn't work for you i completely understand and you can leave the chat if you want. i won't stop or bother you

 **i'm baby ♡:** i don't hate any of you guys and i really don't want to fight with any of you 

**Beckett:** That all seems perfectly reasonable to me.

 **Jack:** I hear you kiddo, and it's all sound and fair.

 **i'm baby ♡:** okay cool that's great!

 **i'm baby ♡:** Jeanette i'm coming back to The Asylum to see Therese

 **Jeanette:** hehehe, sure… she'll definitely be there !! Haha !!

 **i'm baby ♡:** i'm probably gonna go dancing afterwards

 **i'm baby ♡:** does anyone wanna join me?

 **simp patrol:** you know it!!

 **Jack:** Scene's dead up here - I'll probably swing by.

 **Jeanette:** ooohh, if Jack's gonna come, then i'm gonna come !! (ง ° ͜ ʖ °)ง

 **best homeboy ever™:** Eh, sure, why not

 **i'm baby ♡:** yay fun!!! I'll see you guys there

 **_i'm baby ♡_ ** _and **4**_ ** _other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Sebastian - Private Messages - Oct. 14th 10:17 p.m.**

**Fledgling:** hello why is it so much easier to seduce people when you're dead

 **Fledgling:** also um is it normal for two vampires to share one body??

 **Sebastian:** Vampires have a natural magnetism and charisma to them. We are supernatural creatures, and that aspect of our being draws mortals in whether they are aware of our condition or not.

 **Sebastian:** Of course, if you are inherently attractive, it goes without saying you'll have even less trouble seducing mortals as a means to feed.

 **Sebastian:** Your second question is quite peculiar, but I will answer. It's not exceedingly common, but it's not impossible. A vampire of clan Malkavian may very well believe they are two separate people, and behave as such.

 **Sebastian:** Why do you ask?

 **Fledgling:** oh, well…

 **Fledgling:** i was just thinking about it i guess

 **Fledgling:** like if someone had Dissociative Identity Disorder and they were Embraced would their other personality, or personalities, carry over as well

 **Fledgling:** that kind of thing

 **Sebastian:** I see.

 **Sebastian:** For a Malkavian, yes, without a doubt. If it were another clan, I'm not entirely sure.

 **Sebastian:** Now, if that's all?

 **Fledgling:** yea it is, thanks Sebastian

 **Sebastian:** You're welcome.

 **Sebastian:** Oh - and change my nickname in the chat.

 **Fledgling:** i will - only when i think of a new one though!! :P

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Tourette - Private Messages - Oct. 14th 9:24 p.m.**

**Therese:** I wanted to thank you again for reminding me -

 **Jeanette:** \- how important we are to each other !!

 **Fledgling:** i'm just glad that both of you are okay

 **Therese:** As am I.

 **Jeanette:** me too !! It's been a long time since we've gotten along with each other.. :(

 **Therese:** While that is true, it's never too late to rekindle an old relationship.

 **Jeanette:** yep yep !! ♡＾▽＾♡

 **Fledgling:** let me know what you guys get up to!

 **Jeanette:** are you gonna talk to Bertram ?? 

**Fledgling:** soon! i've got some things to wrap up for this guy, Kilpatrick, before i go

 **Fledgling:** i'll let you guys know when i do though!

 **Therese:** Please do. And feel free to come by and visit us whenever you'd like.

 **Fledgling:** will do :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Sebastian does Very Questionable Things in the game but I'm so biased towards him it's not even funny. I love Captain Dramatic so much I'm sorry. I like Damsel too but she gets on my nerves sometimes during my playthroughs, and I feel like she'd be the first one to start shit lol
> 
> I'm still trying to come up with nicknames for some of the characters, sorry if it takes me a while!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi! This ended up being posted a bit later than I wanted and I'm really really sorry about that! I've been absolutely swamped with studying and schoolwork and I'm spending about 8-12 hours a day making sure everything is done and I understand and remember the content. Usually I'm totally fried afterwards and only do about an hour of writing, if that. Please know that even if updates slow, I'm still working on chapters to the best of my abilities!
> 
> Also, I want to say thank you for all the love and feedback this fic has received! The fact that it has brought smiles and even laughter is more than I ever could have asked for and it makes my day. I am so happy you guys are enjoying this! <3
> 
> Because I'm currently in the middle of another long day, the editing on this chapter is minimal. I'll come back and make tweaks and correct any inconsistencies over the next few days, but for now, I'm posting it basically as soon as it's finished.

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 16th 8:03 p.m.**

**ass master:** Disgusting.

**ass master:** Vile.

**ass master:** All it takes is a few days and you're all already so eager to tear into each other.

**ass master:** Such despicable creatures.

**simp patrol:** VAAANNNDDDDAAAAALLLL 

**simp patrol:** YOU'RE BACK

**ass master:** _Oh no._

**simp patrol:** Vandal

**simp patrol:** my life

**simp patrol:** my love

**simp patrol:** my absolute lad

**simp patrol:** I hear you've been Chadding it up with Therese

**simp patrol:** how's that going

**simp patrol:** give good ol Knox some deets 

**ass master:** Are you capable of speaking proper English?

**ass master:** I have not been… _"Chadding it up"_ with the Goddess Therese.

**simp patrol:** oh that's right, simps can't be Chads 

**Nines:** Exactly, that goes against the natural law of things

**simp patrol:** this guy gets it

**Nines:** Damn straight 

**simp patrol:** now you see Vandal

**simp patrol:** let me bend your ear

**simp patrol:** Nines is a Chad. He is a prime Chad. I have no doubt he makes panties drop left and right with ease

**simp patrol:** so if you truly want to score with the Goddess Therese

**Nines:** You will need my help to overcome your inborn simp nature

**Skelter:** this sounds like a sales pitch that hasn't been even remotely rehearsed but they're going for gold anyway

**ass master:** I have no interest in sleeping with Queen Therese. She is a horrid creature, cold and callous and… _repugnant._

**Nines:** Oh

**Nines:** Freudian incel

**vamp gramp:** I truly do not comprehend this exchange.

**best homeboy ever™:** Sometimes it's better to just let yourself not understand 

**vamp gramp:** Ignorance is bliss, I suppose.

**Nines:** I love how Max is likely the last person to understand whatever the fuck we're talking about at whatever given moment and yet he's always lurking in the chat no matter the hour

**vamp gramp:** I simply find your methods of communication intriguing. The manner in which some of you speak, the dialect you choose.

**Nines:** Oh, you sweet man, this isn't dialect this is pure condensed stupidity 

**vamp gramp:** See, that is precisely what I mean.

**vamp gramp:** How would one go about condensing stupidity?

**vamp gramp:** Could it be done with some form of magic?

**vamp gramp:** I wonder.

**Nines:** Hey Skelter did you think the Tremere regent would be so wholesome?

**Skelter:** not in my fucking lifetime

**Therese:** Vandal.

**ass master:** Yes, my Lady Mistress?

**Nines:** This guy omfg

**Nines:** Your vibes are disgusting sir

**Therese:** Did you refer to me as repugnant?

**simp patrol:** :o

**ass master:** I suppose I did, yes.

**simp patrol:** :oo

**Therese:** I find it peculiar that such a nauseating little plebeian should think himself dignified enough to speak such words regarding his superior.

**Therese:** Repent, little worm.

**ass master:** Yes, Mistress. I will find you, and I shall grovel at your feet until I've earned absolution.

**Nines:** Wait.

**Nines:** [Is this a fetish.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cK5J5_N2pP0&feature=youtu.be)

**simp patrol:** ¿does Vandal Cleaver is bottom?

**Jack:** Don't pretend I can't see you in the chat reading all of this, Sheriff.

**_magilla gorilla_ ** _has gone offline_

**Nines:** Sometimes I forget LaCroix and his Sheriff can see all this shit lmfao

**Nines:** Man this is so fucked

**simp patrol:** nauseating little plebeian, I really enjoy that 

**best homeboy ever™:** Therese definitely seems to have a knack for demeaning lol

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Knox - Private Messages - Oct. 16th 8:05 p.m.**

**Fledgling:** You didn't hear this from me but Vandal refers to Therese as Queen Bitch when she's not around lmao

**Knox:** no fucking way!!

**Knox:** I know it's totally normal for some ghouls to hate their regnants but it's so much more fun thinking of him as a simp disguised incel. It gives me all the fuel I need lmao

**Fledgling:** Vandal gives me the fucking creeps but at the same time i like to go talk to him just to listen to the weird shit he'll say 

**Knox:** oh man Vandal's in for a treat, because now I'm gonna be popping by regularly to visit him 

**Fledgling:** i can only imagine that going well lmao

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 16th 8:08 p.m.**

**Skelter:** wait wait wait

**Skelter:** hold on

**Skelter:** so

**Skelter:** Therese

**Therese:** Yes…

**Skelter:** were you a dominatrix or something before you were Embraced

**Therese:** _Absolutely not!!!_

**Therese:** How dare you even _imply_ that I would debase myself by partaking in such abhorrent activities!

**Therese:** Do you have _any_ idea what punishments await those who raise my ire?

**i'm baby ♡:** so!!! Now seems like a good time for me to pop in :)))

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Nines'_ ** _name to_ **_vibe check chad_**

**vibe check chad:** Lmao hey Fledge how are you

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm great!

**i'm baby ♡:** i bought a frog :)

**vibe check chad:** You bought a frog!

**surrogate daddy:** You bought a frog.

**vibe check chad:** Jinx 

**vibe check chad:** You owe me a blood pack ;)

**surrogate daddy:** Quiet, Rodriguez.

**surrogate daddy:** So you've bought a frog.

**i'm baby ♡:** yea :)

**surrogate daddy:** Even though you should have reached the warehouse days ago.

**i'm baby ♡:** yea :)

**surrogate daddy:** Even though, as far as my sources are concerned, you haven't even spoken to Bertram yet.

**i'm baby ♡:** yea :)

**surrogate daddy:** And your reasoning?

**i'm baby ♡:** [just look at him](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/f0/98/6a/f0986aae3f49a82fbe8fa636bd104165--cute-frogs-pet-pictures.jpg)

**i'm baby ♡:** i've named him LaCroix :)

**vibe check chad:** Awww, he's super cute

**vibe check chad:** You're almost as cute as him Sebastian 

**surrogate daddy:** _Quiet, Rodriguez._

**vibe check chad:** Oh shit, he busted out the italics

**surrogate daddy:** It is of utmost importance that you complete the tasks awaiting you at the warehouse.

**i'm baby ♡:** but daaaaad :((

**surrogate daddy:** _Mon Dieu._ Le diable porte la peau d'un enfant.

**surrogate daddy:** What on earth made you want to go to the pet store anyway?

**i'm baby ♡:** oh! i was talking to this guy i'm kinda also working for, Arthur Kilpatrick, about the Gallery Noir (sorry about your paintings Therese) and he mentioned that it used to be a pet store

**i'm baby ♡:** and then it made me think because

**i'm baby ♡:** i always wanted a pet but i could never get one because of school and work keeping me busy 

**i'm baby ♡:** but now i'm not!

**surrogate daddy:** Perhaps you _would_ be busy if you actually sought to complete the tasks I've given you.

**i'm baby ♡:** [ahaha](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk90hAlVmzo&feature=youtu.be)

**i'm baby ♡:** well, you know ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**i'm baby ♡:** i promise i will though! i got kinda sidetracked because i'm hoping this manhunt Kilpatrick sent me on might provide clues that will point me towards the Southland Slasher

**i'm baby ♡:** it's a serial killer and um

**i'm baby ♡:** i don't think they're human so that's kind of a really big problem

**surrogate daddy:** While that certainly poses a threat to the Masquerade, so do the Sabbat.

**i'm baby ♡:** don't worry

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm gonna Sabboot the Sabbat right out of L.A.

**Skelter:** sabboot, man that's so stupid 

**i'm baby ♡:** exactly why i said it ┌(▀Ĺ̯ ▀-͠ )┐

**simp patrol:** go be stupid while you help my man Arthur smh

**i'm baby ♡:** yessir

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has gone offline_

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 16th 8:47 p.m.**

**i'm baby ♡:** hey so

**i'm baby ♡:** do any of you Santa Monica vamps and ghouls know Gimble?

**ass master:** I have no interest or need for prosthetics.

**Therese:** As Vandal said - I only know that he runs the prosthetics clinic at the end of Main Street.

**Jeanette:** nope no idea !!

**best homeboy ever™:** Never met the guy

**simp patrol:** same here

**i'm baby ♡:** yeah he told me about the prosthetics clinic over the phone 

**i'm baby ♡:** i went to Devil's Brand Tattoo i'm trying to find McGee for Arthur, and then Gimble called the parlor asking for McGee and umm

**i'm baby ♡:** well i wish Nines could have been there to listen to the conversation because his vibes were definitely Not Good

**vibe check chad:** Then you know what that means

**vibe check chad:** You gotta check 'em 

**vibe check chad:** Especially in this life, if they don't seem right chances are they aren't 

**i'm baby ♡:** sounds about right lol

**i'm baby ♡:** i am heading over

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 16th 8:51 p.m.**

**i'm baby ♡:** okay so this boy definitely ain't right

**i'm baby ♡:** we'll start with the kicker, he amputated his own arm to see what it was like lmao

**Beckett:** That _is_ exceptionally strange. Who would purposefully remove their own limb?

**i'm baby ♡:** this guy i guess lmao, from my brief interactions with him i definitely think he has some sort of weird sexual fantasy for it

**i'm baby ♡:** he was all over my limbs as well, he wanted me to model for him and so he went to get his camera or whatever and then he never came back. so i opened the door to peek out from the waiting room to see where he was and…

**i'm baby ♡:** it's really weird in here

**Jeanette:** what're you gonna do ??

**i'm baby ♡:** go further in of course 

**Jack:** Hehe, that's the spirit!

**i'm baby ♡:** i found the camera he supposedly went to get

**i'm baby ♡:** but he's not here so

**i'm baby ♡:** sure are a lot of fucking mannequins and fake limbs around though 

**i'm baby ♡:** keep on truckin' ig 

**i'm baby ♡:** oop the further i go down there's different rooms with bloody tools and equipment h a h a

**best homeboy ever™:** are you sure you should be going down there alone?

**best homeboy ever™:** I can come down and help you if you wait a few minutes 

**i'm baby ♡:** no sweet Mercurio

**i'm baby ♡:** i want you to stay safe and snug

**Jeanette:** like a bug in the rug !!

**i'm baby ♡:** precisely 

**i'm baby ♡:** oh i found him!

**i'm baby ♡:** i found McGee 

**Skelter:** alright, but where's Gimble 

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm not sufghk35ncfgdyujb;;÷& iiwitiieogbv

**simp patrol:** I think they found Gimble lmao

**Beckett:** Or, more accurately, Gimble found them.

**simp patrol:** can I get an f in the chat for our buddy Fledgling?

**vibe check chad:** f

**Skelter:** f

**best homeboy ever™:** f

**Jeanette:** f !!! :(

**Beckett:** F…?

**vamp gramp:** Instead of texting a letter, should one of you not go check to see if they need help?

**Skelter:** it's f Max 

**Skelter:** we're paying our respects

**vamp gramp:** Are you all unaware that "respect" begins with an r?

**Beckett:** I think it would be a waste of time to even bother trying to figure out their antics, Maximillian.

**Beckett:** It's best to simply let it happen, and play along.

**vamp gramp:** You may very well be right.

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Sebastian - Private Messages - Oct. 17th 12:35 a.m.**

**Sebastian:** Are you alright?

**Sebastian:** The others have been talking in the chat for hours, but you haven't returned despite being online.

**Sebastian:** I'm a bit worried.

**Fledgling:** oh yeah i'm fine

**Fledgling:** i killed that guy, Gimble 

**Fledgling:** it was easy

**Sebastian:** That's good. I'm glad you made it out alright.

**Sebastian:** Though it's still unclear to me as to why you're remaining silent.

**Fledgling:** i'm actually getting ready to see Bertram, i'm just tying up some loose ends 

**Fledgling:** there's some Thin Bloods on the beach waiting for me, they're in love lol

**Fledgling:** that's all that is!

**Fledgling:** there's still a lot of time left in the night so i was thinking i might as well get everything done today

**Sebastian:** Wonderful!

**Sebastian:** Still, there's something you're not telling me. Don't bother trying to deny it.

**Fledgling:** what in the goddamn lmao

**Fledgling:** how did you know we're not even talking in person

**Sebastian:** I've been around for years. I don't need to be speaking to someone in person to pick up on tells or moods.

**Fledgling:** that does make sense i guess

**Fledgling:** well, i'm kind of nervous that's all

**Fledgling:** i've never done anything like that warehouse business before. like i was a student working a shitty part time job when i was alive 

**Fledgling:** i fell apart over due dates and exams and customers being mean to me Sebastian lmao 

**Fledgling:** and what i have to do at the warehouse, that's some like, Die Hard espionage type shit 

**Sebastian:** It is not a simple task, I won't lie to you.

**Sebastian:** But think of all you've done so far. You're not accustomed to any of that, yet it came naturally.

**Sebastian:** Am I wrong?

**Fledgling:** well, no

**Fledgling:** but what if it _doesn't_ come naturally? You know, for this?

**Sebastian:** It will.

**Sebastian:** We are vampires. We are not good or ethical creatures. Villainy and misconduct come easy, because for us, it is in our very nature.

**Sebastian:** Our survival depends on it.

**Sebastian:** Some, like the Toreador, may attempt to argue that, but it is simply a facet of this new life. 

**Sebastian:** You will be fine.

**Fledgling:** i think that's like the darkest pep talk i've ever had lmao

**Fledgling:** but i appreciate it and you know, i see what you mean

**Sebastian:** Good.

**Sebastian:** Then I won't keep you any longer.

**Sebastian:** Remember to think carefully, and heed your instincts. 

**Sebastian:** I will be waiting.

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 17th 12:40 a.m.**

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has gone offline_

**simp patrol:** uh oh

**best homeboy ever™:** Should we be worried

**surrogate daddy:** No, I talked to them. They're fine.

**best homeboy ever™:** Oh hey boss, that's good

**vamp gramp:** Indeed. 

**Jeanette:** i hope they come back soon !!

**surrogate daddy:** As do I.

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Nines and Sebastian - Private Messages - Oct 17th 12:47 a.m.**

**Nines:** I know what you're playing at, and I don't buy the act for a second.

**Sebastian:** If you're going to intrude upon my personal messages, I would ask that you say something worthwhile.

**Nines:** Cut the bullshit.

**Nines:** You know what I'm talking about.

**Sebastian:** Ah, Brujah. Always so brash and hostile for little reason. 

**Nines:** This has nothing to do with my clan. It has to do with you being a double-crossing little fuckhead.

**Nines:** I'll keep it civil in the chat for the kid, but I agree with Damsel. You're up to something, and this whole "caring and concerned sire" shit doesn't add up at all.

**Nines:** We know how you work. It's a shame the Fledgling doesn't.

**Sebastian:** It's so very like you to throw around empty words braced with nothing other than unnecessary and misdirected anger. How terribly predictable.

**Sebastian:** What have _you_ done for the Fledgling?

**Nines:** Oh, I don't know, saved their fucking life maybe?

**Nines:** There's no way you suddenly had a good samaritan moment. You felt the heat and had to orchestrate a change of heart, that's all.

**Nines:** Aside from that, I let them be. I don't lord it over their head and I don't treat them like an errand runner. You'll keep them around until their convenience has been spent - then you'll get rid of them.

**Nines:** Just like their sire.

**Sebastian:** Enough.

**Sebastian:** I find it baffling how one could live so long and still be so clueless as to when it's appropriate to stop running his mouth.

**Sebastian:** You'd do well to learn that lesson for yourself, lest someone decide to take the matter into their own hands.

**Nines:** I'll take my chances.

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 17th 4:13 a.m.**

**simp patrol:** y'all hear sumn 

**_i'm baby ♡_** _has added_ ** _Bertram_** _to the chat_

**Therese:** Y'all smell sumn, more like.

**Bertram:** I am beyond thrilled that I, personally, got to witness Therese Voerman, Baron of Santa Monica, type "y'all" and "sumn". In the same sentence, no less.

**Bertram:** Another job well done on your part, Knox. ;)

**simp patrol:** I always aim to please! Welcome to the Suckhead Super Squad, Master

**i'm baby ♡:** that sumn y'all heard was the warehouse getting blasted into orbit by yours truly

**best homeboy ever™:** That's fantastic, great job!

**i'm baby ♡:** thank you :')

**Jeanette:** and you brought Bertie into the chat !!!

**Bertram:** Aw shit, Jeanette's here too?

**Bertram:** I'm livin' the dream.

**Bertram:** You down to party later, sweetheart? ;)

**Jeanette:** you know it !!

**Therese:** I still cannot believe you associate with such filthy creatures, Jeanette. You can do so much better.

**Jeanette:** Bertie's a great guy !!!! :(

**Bertram:** She's right, Therese.

**Bertram:** And if you ever feel like _loosening_ up, honey, you just come see me.

**simp patrol:** can't she's taken by ass master 

**Therese:** I am _not_ taken by ass master.

**Therese:** _Vandal!_ I meant Vandal…

**simp patrol:** and so Therese officially recognizes Vandal as ass master

**simp patrol:** my joy is endless and my day is made

**vibe check chad:** Did you just inverse 'my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined' lmfao

**simp patrol:** I absolutely did

**vibe check chad:** That's my boy

**Bertram:** Hey hey! Knox is all mine.

**vibe check chad:** That's pseudonymously my boy

**Bertram:** I'll take that.

**Bertram:** Oh, yeah.

**Bertram:** You did a solid job, Fledgling. Relax for the day, treat yourself. You've earned it.

**i'm baby ♡:** thank you Bertram :')

**i'm baby ♡:** i could go for a piping hot bubble bath but all i've got in my haven is a shitty shower

**best homeboy ever™:** Come to mine I'll hook you up, my bathroom is lavish

**best homeboy ever™:** And you can crash here again, the sun's gonna be rising in a couple of hours

**i'm baby ♡:** hey Mercurio 

**best homeboy ever™:** Yeah?

**i'm baby ♡:** i love you.

**best homeboy ever™:** Haha, I love you too.

**simp patrol:** blossoming (b)romance

**simp patrol:** you love to see it 

**i’m baby ♡:** Mercurio best boy

**best homeboy ever™:** I am flattered to receive such positive reviews

**best homeboy ever™:** I’m running your bath Fledge

**i’m baby ♡:** you’re so good to me ;_;

**i’m baby ♡:** if you want to join me in the bath Mercurio, i have no qualms about it 

**Jeanette:** ( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉)

**best homeboy ever™:** Heh, we’ll see.

**Jeanette:** ( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉)( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉)

**_best homeboy ever™_** and **_1 other(s)_** _have gone offline_

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 17th 9:02 p.m.**

**_i’m baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Beckett’s_ ** _name to_ **_history hoe_ **

**history hoe:** I suppose that’s fair. ****

**i’m baby ♡:** your thirst for knowledge is substantial

**i’m baby ♡:** i was surprised to run into you when i did

**i’m baby ♡:** i should’ve come to you about Thin Bloods in the first place lmao

**i’m baby ♡:** but if i had i guess that poor girl would still be trapped down there, maybe

**i’m baby ♡:** with ass master

**ass master:** I _will_ make you pay for that, scum.

**ass master:** My setup was perfect.

**i’m baby ♡:** <3

**history hoe:** Well, now you know, should any questions trouble your mind.

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Beckett - Private Messages - Oct 17th 9:03 p.m.**

**Fledgling:** i do have one question

**Beckett:** Which would be?

**Fledgling:** is Vandal so weird because he’s a Malkavian’s ghoul

**Fledgling:** i’m asking privately cuz i don’t wanna out Therese, i promised i wouldn’t tell but like i said i trust you

**Beckett:** The Baron’s secret is safe with me.

**Beckett:** Vandal was likely deranged well before Therese became his regnant, but the Malkavian blood will certainly bring his peculiarities to new heights.

**Beckett:** It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s experienced voices or visions as well.

**Fledgling:** huh

**Fledgling:** that’s freaky, but also pretty cool

**Beckett:** Malkavians are blessed with insight that allows them to see the many truths veiled behind lies of both Kindred and kine alike, but to bear such knowledge is an extraordinary burden, and it is not unheard of for a Malkavian’s mind to break.

**Beckett:** Therese - aside from Jeanette - is fairly balanced when her clan is brought into consideration.

**Fledgling:** yea i actually thought she was Ventrue when i first met her lmao

**Beckett:** I can certainly see how one might think that. I’m sure she would be pleased to know that.

**Beckett:** First impressions are so very important, after all.

**Fledgling:** do i detect a hint of sarcasm

**Beckett:** Oh, _how_ could that ever be so?

  
  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 17th 9:18 p.m.**

**Jeanette:** fledge !!

**i’m baby ♡:** hey hey Jeannie what’s up

**Jeanette:** did you and Mercurio…

**Jeanette:** do a water dance ??

**Jeanette:** make fluff in the bubble tub ??

**Jeanette:** moan in the midnight while frothy waves lapped at porcelain shores ??

**best homeboy ever™:** I think whether we did or didn’t is between them and I.

**Jeanette:** that’s a yes !!

**Jeanette:** that’s a yes yes yes !!!!!

**Jeanette:** was it good ?? Was it fun ?? Did you purr like lions lolling in the late light ?? Did you make a mess so sticky and sweet like buzzing bumblebees ??

**_i’m baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Jeanette’s_ ** _name to_ **_your highness of horniness_ **

**Bertram:** Now that’s a damned good _and_ accurate nickname if I’ve ever seen one!

**_i’m baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Bertram’s_ ** _name to_ **_your dude of dudeliness_ **

**your dude of dudeliness:** Even _better._

**simp patrol:** Bertram’s the dudeliest dude of all dudes

**i'm baby ♡:** only the most fitting of titles for the king and the queen

**your highness of horniness:** tell me !! Tell me !!! I'm burning up - melting - gooey !! Riddled with raunch - the images in my mind, of ghoul and Kindred, slicked and glistening wet with water and sweat !!!

**Therese:** _Jeanette!_ Get a grip, won't you? The details you pry for - I've never witnessed such disgusting and inappropriate behavior!

**best homeboy ever™:** I mean, based on how she's acting with how little we said, I guess the devil isn't even really in the details lmao

**best homeboy ever™:** We know how Jeanette is, and she's just speculating after all

**i'm baby ♡:** it's not even speculating because she's not wrong :3

**your highness of horniness:**!!!!!!!!!

**your highness of horniness:** I am. Burning. Up !!!

**best homeboy ever™:** There goes the prospect of secrecy lmao

**i'm baby ♡:** i’m sorry <3

**best homeboy ever™:** I’m not stressing sugar, just didn’t know what you wanted 

**your highness of horniness:** Bertram !!!

**your dude of dudeliness:** Yeeesss?

**your highness of horniness:** I require your attention and affections immediately !!!

**your dude of dudeliness:** Heheh, the beautiful domino effect of people getting laid.

**_your dude of dudeliness_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

**simp patrol:** WHAAAAAAAA

**simp patrol:** TWO OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE HOOKED UP????

**simp patrol:** THIS IS A GOOD DAY

**vamp gramp:** It is always pleasant when such emotions and relations come to fruition, yes.

**surrogate daddy:** My childe and my ghoul… slept together…?

**vibe check chad:** Man I was happy to hear this to begin with, but if it sends Sebastian into existential crisis? [Even better](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoL0fhatCV4&feature=youtu.be)

**i'm baby ♡:** i am happy this information has most of you tickled

**i'm baby ♡:** sorry Sebastian lmao, i will be heading downtown soon

**best homeboy ever™:** After they spend a bit more time with me, that is :)

**history hoe:** Precious.

**Skelter:** Jeanette's gonna go wild when she comes back and reads that lol

**surrogate daddy:** Just… just make sure it’s sooner rather than later, understood?

**i’m baby ♡:** yup! i will head downtown within the next few nights :D

**_i’m baby ♡_ ** _and_ **_2 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure you can tell who I find easiest to write based on who always speaks the most in each chapter and who doesn't lmao. I'm doing my best to keep everyone present and as in character as possible (I haven't forgotten Damsel she's still mad and ignoring everybody lol)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's way shorter than the other ones n I'm sorry about that but the past two weeks have been mentally exhausting, I only dedicated a 2 hour period to this chapter lmao
> 
> Nickname guide:
> 
> surrogate daddy - Sebastian  
> vibe check chad - Nines  
> simp patrol - Knox  
> your dude of dudeliness - Bertram  
> your highness of horniness - Jeanette  
> ass master - Vandal  
> magilla gorilla - Sheriff  
> i'm baby ♡ - Fledgling  
> best homeboy ever™ - Mercurio  
> history hoe - Beckett  
> vamp gramp - Maximillian
> 
> I think that's all, the rest of course don't have any cuz I haven't came up with anything yet

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct 20th, 11:18 p.m.**

**i'm baby ♡:** Nines said 🏃🏻💨

**vibe check chad:** Sorry kid I did have stuff to take care of

**i'm baby ♡:** it's okay thank you for saving my ass

**i'm baby ♡:** i owe you my entire unlife 

**Skelter:** what was it this time 

**i'm baby ♡:** Sabbat 

**i'm baby ♡:** i dunno how they knew exactly where i was gonna be but whatever

**history hoe:** They are vindictive. They will make it their mission to find you wherever you go.

**i'm baby ♡:** hmmm 

**i'm baby ♡:** maybe i should pull a Nines and gtfo 

**vibe check chad:** Boonk gang 🏃🏻💨

**i'm baby ♡:** Boonk gang whole Lotta Gang Shit goin' on you know what I'm sayin'

**vamp gramp:** … No.

**simp patrol:** every 60 seconds in the group chat, Max wishes he was dead

**i'm baby ♡:** lmao poor Max

**i'm baby ♡:** so what y'all up to

**your dude of dudeliness:** Thinking about [Michael Rosen - Hot Food (Vocoded).](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMoGdZLIRn8&feature=youtu.be)

**Skelter:** you know, the more Bertram talks, the more sense it makes that Knox is his ghoul 

**simp patrol:** Bertram is THE shitlord 

**your dude of dudeliness:** You got that right!

**simp patrol:** Sewer Slut ❤❤

**your highness of horniness:** I am _trying_ to get Therese to practice putting eyeliner on !!

**your highness of horniness:** but she is _not_ cooperating !!

**Therese:** Nor will I! Makeup is simply glorified face painting. It's unprofessional.

**simp patrol:** Clans Toreador and Ventrue would like to know your location 

**magilla gorilla:** Speaking of location, I am currently looking into the Sabbat issue.

**Jack:** Holy shit he's back.

**Jack:** It's like fucking Christmas when I see your name in this chat. 

**magilla gorilla:[reginageorge.mp4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2a767Iktxw&feature=youtu.be)**

**simp patrol:** DID HE-

**Jack:** YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND RIGHT?

**Jack:** HE'S A FUCKING ENIGMA.

**vibe check chad:** Mystery man

**Jack:** I'll be your best friend, Sheriff. Leave the Camarilla and we'll rule the world together.

**Jack:[Please.](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/d1/f6/12/d1f612e33f2656c77f84268f13744907.jpg)**

******magilla gorilla:** My loyalties lie with the Prince and only the Prince.

**Skelter:** cucked 

**simp patrol:** L

**Jack:** Jesus wept.

**vibe check chad:** Star-crossed lovers 

**best homeboy ever** **™:** This chat always makes me feel like I've entered an alternate dimension 

**ass master:** It makes me feel like I'm going to projectile vomit.

**simp patrol:** you eat ass a group chat should be no problem for you

**ass master:** For one, a vampire's ass is much cleaner than a humans. You are much less likely to get ill.

**best homeboy ever™:** "A vampire's ass is much cleaner"

**simp patrol:** I think Vandal inadvertently confirmed he eats ass

**history hoe:** I hate it here.

**i'm baby ♡:** it pleases me to know that behind all the Big Bad Vampire Stuff you guys are all really just dumbasses to the core

**vibe check chad:** Honestly when you live as long as we do you get heated about a lot of things but you're also simultaneously blasé about everything lol

**vibe check chad:** I mean just look at Beckett

**history hoe:** I am calm, yes.

**i'm baby ♡:** I wouwd wike tuwu wet beckett's soft wittwe wowf head uwu 

**history hoe:** You are a bit of an anomaly, though.

**vibe check chad:** I know in this context wet means pet but man does that sound fucking weird

**i'm baby ♡:** good

**vibe check chad:** _@surrogate daddy_ are you proud of your childe 

**surrogate daddy:** I was until I read that abhorrent sentence.

**surrogate daddy:** Did you suffer a _stroke?_

**i'm baby ♡:** no daddy i'm juwst speaking wike thiws because i know iwt bothews evewyone

**_surrogate daddy_ ** _has gone offline_

**vibe check chad:** [Sebastian is gone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hllWEwc-9uE&feature=youtu.be)

**vibe check chad:** _@Damsel_ I've figured out how to overtake the Camarilla 

**vamp gramp:** 🤨

**simp patrol:** he used an emoji that's progress 

**Damsel:** huh

**Damsel:** oh christ that's disgusting 

**Damsel:** can't even blame him honestly 

**i'm baby ♡:** Damsel 😔👉👈

**Damsel:** hi yes

**i'm baby ♡:** are you still mad

**Damsel:** i'm literally always mad

**vibe check chad:** It's all good kid she's fine now

**Damsel:** i read your rules and i can respect it

**i'm baby ♡:** yay ❤

**your highness of horniness:** all friends !!!

**i'm baby ♡:** oh i guess i should tell LaCroix i'm downtown

**magilla gorilla:** LaCroix does not want to see or hear from you right now.

**simp patrol:** lmaooo 

**vibe check chad:** If we all uwu speak we can drive them out

**best homeboy ever™:** Do

**best homeboy ever™:** Not

**i'm baby ♡:** but Mewcuwio 

**best homeboy ever™:** Please

**i'm baby ♡:** fine fine fine

**i'm baby ♡:** i cease, i desist

**best homeboy ever™:** 💕

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 21st 2:24 a.m.**

**vibe check chad:** I found [something](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YS3mJ5pFndk&feature=youtu.be) beautiful 

**history hoe:** No, you didn't.

**your dude of dudeliness:** Christ, why did I have to get stuck with the Camarilla? I'd have a blast with the Anarchs.

**surrogate daddy:** Bertram.

**your highness of horniness:** 👁👄👁

**i'm baby ♡:** he back

**surrogate daddy:** I urge you to think carefully before you speak.

**your dude of dudeliness:** Ain't nothing but a harmless observation, boss.

**surrogate daddy:** What have you been doing, Fledgling? Aside from disappointing me, that is.

**i'm baby ♡:** you sound just like my real dad, ouch

**i'm baby ♡:** i been poking around

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm at Confession

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm going to take out the Russian mafia

**Skelter:** what

**surrogate daddy:** I beg your pardon?

**i'm baby ♡:** you know, the Russian mafia 

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm going to take them out

**surrogate daddy:** Why?

**i'm baby ♡:** to be a secret co-owner 

**surrogate daddy:** Ok.

**simp patrol:** the text of a broken man

**surrogate daddy:** Come see me tomorrow night.

**i'm baby ♡:** yessir 

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Fledgling and Mercurio - Private Messages - Oct. 21st 2:28 a.m.**

**Fledgling:** is he mad

**Mercurio:** No he's just perpetually disappointed 

**Mercurio:** And honestly I don't think he knows how to conduct himself in the group chat

**Mercurio:** He's used to the politics and the seriousness of it all, but the group chat is different, even though tensions are still there people put them aside just to fool around 

**Fledgling:** oh

**Fledgling:** i feel kinda bad lol

**Mercurio:** Don't, it's his choice, and he is the Prince after all

**Mercurio:** He'd try to leave again if he really hated it

**Mercurio:** I think he's probably going to assign another task lol

**Fledgling:** i do so many tasks :(

**Mercurio:** I know, but that's the life you've been brought into unfortunately

**Mercurio:** Or unlife, I guess

**Mercurio:** But I'll do what I can to help you through it :)

**Fledgling:** thank you ;_;

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Jeanette and Damsel - Private Messages - Oct. 21st 3:45 a.m.**

**Jeanette:** You're very top-heavy !!

**Jeanette:** May I squeeze ? (つ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)つ

**Damsel:** what the hell

**Damsel:** how do you know how big my chest is??

**Jeanette:** Your profile picture !!

**Jeanette:** I see the valley of your cleavage in that lovely, tight little tank top~

**Jeanette:** Ever had your world rocked, sweetheart ? 

**Jeanette:** I can do things with my tongue no one else can~

**Damsel:** whoa 😳

**Damsel:** um

**Damsel:** oh shit

**Damsel:** it's been a while since i've gay panicked 

**Jeanette:** So you do like girls !!

**Damsel:** yeah 😖

**Jeanette:** Why don't you come by the Asylum ?? I'll show you _why_ you do (*・∀-)☆

**Damsel:** fuck yeah

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 21st 3:47 a.m.**

**Skelter:** just saw Damsel trample like 4 patrons on her way out 

**your highness of horniness:** the floodgates have opened !!

**Skelter:** what

**Skelter:** you know what no, not my business

**Skelter:** have fun

**_Damsel_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

**simp patrol:** I'm bored

**simp patrol:** Anyone wanna come over and play Mario Kart

**vibe check chad:** FUCK YEAH LET'S GOOOOOOOOO 

**history hoe:** I'll indulge.

**Skelter:** yeah I'll come

**your dude of dudeliness:** You fucking know I'm there!

**simp patrol:** hell yeah! I'm setting this shit up

**_simp patrol_ ** _and_ **_4 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 21st 8:19 p.m.**

**vibe check chad:** Beckett's an Isabelle main

**vibe check chad:** And Bertram gets so mad when he loses he activates Obfuscate

**your dude of dudeliness:** Listen.

**your dude of dudeliness:** You don't understand the pain.

**vibe check chad:** You're right, I won the majority of the games 😎

**Therese:** Have you all been playing that game all day?

**vibe check chad:** Not all day

**Skelter:** yeah we torpored it up at Knox's haven

**simp patrol:** we're going again now though!!!

**i'm baby ♡:** awwww i wanna join!!!

**vibe check chad:** You can!

**i'm baby ♡:** i have to go do more work

**Therese:** You should all look to the Fledgling as an example. They're responsible.

**i'm baby ♡:** nah, the Fledgling just doesn't have a say in shit lmao

**surrogate daddy:** I give you plenty of freedom.

**i'm baby ♡:** but Mario Kart with The Boys :(

**surrogate daddy:** Mario Kart and "The Boys" will be there when you get back.

**i'm baby ♡:** agony

**simp patrol:** don't worry we'll plan another round for when you're not busy :)

**i'm baby ♡:** okay :D

**surrogate daddy:** Time _is_ of the essence.

**i'm baby ♡:** i know i know

**i'm baby ♡:** before I do whatever task you give me though

**i'm baby ♡:** there's this creepy hospital i just gotta explore once we're done talking

**surrogate daddy:** If you absolutely insist. Just _get_ here so I can keep you informed.

**i'm baby ♡:** on my way like zippy zoom

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, question for y'all. I read (it was a comment on a YouTube video but it was still interesting) that Sebastian actually tips off the Sabbat to the MC's location/what they did and that's how they find you when you go to the Downtown hub. Does anyone know if that's true or if it's like confirmed anywhere in game? I thought it was interesting, and it seems viable since he does really sneaky shit behind MC's back lol
> 
> Also, have a good Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians out there! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween everyone!

**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 22nd 10:31 p.m.**

  
  
  


**your dude of dudeliness:** I fucking hate the Charmin Ultra Soft bears.

**Damsel:** why??? they're so cute 

**your dude of dudeliness:** Oh, absolutely. Up until it's the whole "I enjoy smooth paper gliding against my asshole" spiel.

**ass master:** You had to shit too, once upon a time.

**vibe check chad:** I _really_ don't like how Vandal shows up whenever there's discussion about ass

**ass master:** _@simp patrol_ You made me what I am.

**simp patrol:** God is the true creator. I am but his humble messenger

**ass master:** You're the bane of my existence.

**simp patrol:** i'm the closest thing to a friend you've ever had

**Skelter:** that had to have hurt a little bit lmao

**ass master:** The truth is never a pleasant thing, is it.

**vamp gramp:** Queen, that's periodt!

**Damsel:** i beg your absolute _pardon_

**surrogate daddy:** … Strauss?

**vibe check chad:** Ngl that gave me whiplash

**Jack:** Gehenna truly is upon us!

**your highness of horniness:** awwww you guys are so dramatic !!

**your highness of horniness:** Max was feeling left out so I started teaching him some of the popular slang !! ^.^

**best homeboy ever™:** Oh

**best homeboy ever™:** Oh no

**vibe check chad:** Strauss, you don't have to use any of the lingo to fit in around here 

**Skelter:** yeah, and I mean none of us really "fit" with each other anyways

**vamp gramp:** Perhaps. But seeing you all interact with each other and make jokes in ways I don't truly understand, reminds me how old I truly am.

**vamp gramp:** There was a time when my customs and speech habits were considered the norm. Now they are not.

**Damsel:** tremere regent spirals into depression over twitter stan lingo?

**history hoe:** If it's of any use, I understand how you feel, in a way.

**history hoe:** But we are also fortunate to have lived so long to see how things have changed, are we not?

**vamp gramp:** I suppose that's true. It's just…

**vamp gramp:** Well. I suppose it doesn't really matter.

**simp patrol:** yo, I'm kinda worried man. You alright?

**Skelter:** ^^^

**vamp gramp:** It's a trivial thing. I'm a bit embarrassed now, really.

**vamp gramp:** I think I may take an evening stroll.

**history hoe:** Would you like any company? Though the pier in Santa Monica is closed, the beach is quiet this time of night.

**vamp gramp:** I think some company would be good for me, yes.

**_vamp gramp_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

**simp patrol:** Beckett, what a bro

**best homeboy ever™:** I love Beckett and I've never even met him

**Damsel:** i think we _all_ love beckett 

**Skelter:** truer words have never been spoken

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

  
  


**Nines and Jeanette - Private Messages - Oct. 22nd 10:36 p.m.**

  
  
  


**Nines:** Hey, Jeanette

**Jeanette:** oooh, always a _pleasure_ to see your name in my notifications~

**Jeanette:** whatever can I do for you, sweetheart ?

**Nines:** I wanted to ask you about Strauss actually

**Jeanette:** awww, poor poor Strauss :((

**Nines:** Yeah, that whole thing was really strange. The random lingo usage at least lol

**Nines:** The rest made me feel kinda bad

**Nines:** Was just wondering if you knew what's going on

**Jeanette:** Well, I don't know if I'm supposed to tell. But, I do trust you. 

**Jeanette:** Strauss found out he has a great great great great great _great_ granddaughter.

**Nines:** Oh, shit.

**Jeanette:** Yeah. I don't know exactly why he came to me and confided, but he did. He said from the photos he saw, Therese and I look kind of like her - I guess that may be why. He had a daughter, who was pregnant when he was Embraced.

**Jeanette:** He was going to be a grandfather.

**Nines:** Jesus. I can't even imagine what that must have felt like. It was hard to get used to everything after my Embrace. I had my family, but, nothing like that.

**Jeanette:** Yeah, I only had Therese.

**Jeanette:** His granddaughter is around the Fledgling's age. I think he thought that maybe, if he could relate more to the Fledgling, it would be an indirect way of connecting with the last bit of family he has left. Since they're from the same demographic, it makes sense that they'd be familiar with the same things.

**Nines:** I was just going to fool around and be an idiot tonight, but now I'm actually feeling bad for someone in the Camarilla 

**Jeanette:** Unlife's a crazy thing, isn't it?

**Nines:** Yeah, you got that right

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

  
  


**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 23rd 12:09 a.m.**

  
  
  


**i'm baby ♡:** hey hey y'all 

**Therese:** Good evening, Fledgling!

**your dude of dudeliness:** Therese? Happy to see someone?

**your dude of dudeliness:** Must be the Matrix.

**Therese:** Of _course_ I'm happy to see them. They are simply adorable.

**i'm baby ♡:** oh (●´ω｀●)

**your dude of dudeliness:** Well, I've seen 'em too, and that's fair.

**i'm baby ♡:** you guys are so good to me when you want to be lmao

**i'm baby ♡:** but

**i'm baby ♡:** not sure if they're back from their walk but I hope Max is doing okay, and it was really nice of Beckett to go with him

**vibe check chad:** Yeah it was, I hope he's doing better too

**i'm baby ♡:** also

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Therese's_ ** _nickname to_ **_surrogate mommy ♡_ **

**your highness of horniness:** oh I bet Therese just loves that nickname !!

**your highness of horniness:** matching with the Prince~

**surrogate mommy ♡:** I don't see why that would matter to me.

**your highness of horniness:** whenever you talk about him you always sound like [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzMME5URPfY&feature=youtu.be)

**surrogate mommy ♡:** I do not! I speak with nothing but the utmost respect for Prince LaCroix!

**best homeboy ever™:** To be honest Therese, I don't think he'd mind if you did talk about him that way

**i'm baby ♡:** 😳

**simp patrol: 😳**

**vibe check chad: 😳**

**Damsel:** 😳

**vamp gramp: 😳**

**i'm baby ♡:** oh Mr. Strauss you're back!!! How are you feeling?

**vamp gramp:** I am feeling better. Beckett is excellent company. It brings me great joy to see you back in the chat as well, neonate.

**i'm baby ♡:** you guys are… being so nice to me???

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm glad you're back too!

**vibe check chad:** What are you up to now Fledge?

**i'm baby ♡:** oh well I just finished speaking to LaCroix 

**i'm baby ♡:** Nines are you free later tonight? i'll come talk to you but i'm really itching to explore the creepy hospital

**vibe check chad:** Yeah yeah I'll be around, Last Round like I said

**i'm baby ♡:** ok great!!

**best homeboy ever™:** Are you sure you should be investigating the hospital by yourself?

**best homeboy ever™:** The hotel really upset you

**i'm baby ♡:** d'aaawwww Mercurio, you're so sweet

**i'm baby ♡:** i think i'll be fine though

**i'm baby ♡:** i'll text you if i'm scared? ❤

**best homeboy ever™:** Works for me :)

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

  
  


**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 23rd 2:37 a.m.**

  
  
  


**i'm baby ♡:** so guys

**Damsel:** oh hi how did exploring the hospital go

**i'm baby ♡:** it went…

**i'm baby ♡:** it went.

**Skelter:** fair lmao

**i'm baby ♡:** and well okay so

**i'm baby ♡:** i met someone

**i'm baby ♡:** you know, in there

**i'm baby ♡:** and she's different but she's like really pretty y'know

**Jack:** That's really all that matters, heheh.

**surrogate daddy:** I'm not sure how I feel knowing that there's Kindred lurking in the hospital without my knowledge.

**i'm baby ♡:** oh please don't get mad at her she had to! she's not staying here long she's just looking for some things

**i'm baby ♡:** i'm going to add her so please be nice!!!

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has added_ **_Pisha_ **

**simp patrol:** whomst?

**Pisha:** What is this?

**i'm baby ♡:** it's a group chat!

**Pisha:** And you have made me a part of it for what reason?

**i'm baby ♡:** oh, well

**i'm baby ♡:** i made it for all L.A. vampires, so we can keep in touch and stuff, you know

**Pisha:** Our interactions were brief and you agreed to fetch a few things for me. 

**Pisha:** Do not mistake us for friends.

**Damsel:** _ice_ cold

**surrogate daddy:** You could do with a few friends. I am extremely displeased to learn of your presence in my city.

**surrogate daddy:** You must make your presence known and abide by _my_ laws.

**Pisha:** I adhere to my own rules, _Prince_.

**Damsel:** shit, but i like her tho

**Pisha:** I don't even know who you are.

**simp patrol:[missed opportunity](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/490/138/df4.jpg)**

**i'm baby ♡:** Sebastian c'mon :((

**i'm baby ♡:** Pisha please I promise it's a good time here, mostly haha

**Pisha:** I'm not searching for a good time. I'm searching for occult relics.

**i'm baby ♡:** you can still have a good time while searching for relics!

**i'm baby ♡:** it must get lonely down there anyway 

**Skelter:** wait why are you hanging out in the abandoned hospital anyway

**history hoe:** Ah, I see.

**history hoe:** You are of clan Nagaraja, are you not?

**Pisha:** I am, yes.

**vibe check chad:** Beckett what the fuck

**vibe check chad:** how do you just pluck that out of the ether

**history hoe:** It's simple. The abandoned hospital would likely have a morgue, something that would intrigue one of the Nagaraja, as they have a propensity for necromancy. Additionally, it is secluded. Perfect for their… particular tastes.

**history hoe:** That, and the mention of the occult.

**surrogate daddy:** Even more cause for concern. I do not want such filth lurking in the underbelly of my city.

**your dude of dudeliness:** Hey, you already have me lurking around here!

**Pisha:** You would fault me for a fate I had no control over, Prince?

**Pisha:** I am certain you had no say in the matter of your Embrace.

**surrogate daddy:** That detail is of no importance. We Ventrue belong to the most honorable bloodline. We are worthy of respect.

**Pisha:** Perhaps some, yes. I am uncertain about you.

**Damsel:** yea i don't care if she eats flesh, i like her

**i'm baby ♡:** just let her stay? like i said she won't be here long

**Pisha:** This is true. My stay here is transitory.

**i'm baby ♡:** and will you stay in the groupchat Pisha?

**i'm baby ♡:** you can mute it if you're really not interested, i just like having you all here

**Pisha:** I suppose I can do this, if it eases you.

**surrogate daddy:** It would ease _me_ if you made a swift departure.

**_history hoe_ ** _has muted_ **_surrogate daddy_ ** _for_ **_30 minutes_ **

**simp patrol:** lmaooooo 

**_i'm baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Pisha's_ ** _name to_ **_cannibabe_ **

**history hoe:** It is not often one encounters a Kindred of the Nagaraja clan - I must say I am greatly intrigued by your presence.

**cannibabe:** That is favorable from the usual reactions we receive, I suppose.

**history hoe:** I apologize on behalf of Sebastian. He is not an understanding sort, nor is he gifted in matters of diplomacy.

**Damsel:** i cannot believe beckett muted him

**Damsel:** i swear i can hear him raging from here, what a piss baby 

**simp patrol:** piss baby omfg he might kill you

**Damsel:** he can definitely try lmao

**cannibabe:** Well, it is nice to not be completely scorned for what I am.

**cannibabe:** I apologize for what I said earlier, Fledgling. It is not that I dislike you - I have learned that it's better to always be on the defensive.

**i'm baby ♡:** it's okay i understand ^.^

**i'm baby ♡:** everyone is welcome in my group chat 

**i'm baby ♡:** i’m still trying to think of nicknames for some of you, some come easier than others

**Jack:** Lookin’ forward to mine! ;)

**i'm baby ♡:** yea I still need to name all of the anarchs

**_i’m baby ♡_ ** _has changed_ **_Damsel’s_ ** _name to_ **_hot redhead hothead_ **

**hot redhead hothead:** a fuckin right i am 

**cannibabe:** I suppose I should read through the chat logs to understand the lore behind the nicknames.

**simp patrol:** “lore behind the nicknames” you older vampires are so inadvertently precious

**cannibabe:** Thank you?

**i'm baby ♡:** speaking of old vampires, Nines i’m coming over

**vibe check chad:** Hey I am so not old

**i'm baby ♡:** you’re like 100 years old peepaw

**vibe check chad:** Bruh

**i'm baby ♡:** all love <3

**vibe check chad:** Alright alright lmao I’ll be waiting

**_vibe check chad_ ** _and_ **_1 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

  
  


**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 23rd 3:10 a.m.**

  
  
  


**surrogate daddy:** Piss baby!

**surrogate daddy:** _Piss! Baby!_

**surrogate daddy:** Do you understand the level of disrespect you have shown towards me?

**hot redhead hothead:** absolutely, i do it all the time

**surrogate daddy:** I could have you punished for such insolence.

**hot redhead hothead:** yeah? whaddya really gonna do?

**hot redhead hothead:** cry about it? piss your pants, maybe?

**simp patrol:** Damsel doesn’t give one singular fuck lmao

**surrogate daddy:** You’re only so brave because you can hide behind a screen.

**Jack:** I wait in great anticipation for the Sheriff.

**magilla gorilla:** Please refrain from referring to Prince LaCroix as piss baby.

**Jack:** He don’t glitter, but he is gold.

**magilla gorilla:** Your compliments and fascination with me are strange but appreciated nonetheless.

**simp patrol:** Sheriff said +rep

**Jack:** We take those!

**Jack:** Speaking of +rep are you guys gonna be holding another Mario Kart get-together?

**vibe check chad:** We’re gonna do another one once Fledge gets back from the Dane

**i'm baby ♡:** i guess we could’ve just came downstairs to tell you that lmao

**surrogate daddy:** Are you still with Nines?

**i'm baby ♡:** absolutely he’s great fun

**i'm baby ♡:** i see you typing Sebastian i am gooooiiiiinnnnnggg to the Dane i just want a minute to talk with other Kindred

**surrogate daddy:** Fine. Let me know when you do.

**i'm baby ♡:** of course!

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

  
  


**Sebastian and Nines - Private Messages - Oct. 23rd 3:15 a.m.**

  
  
  


**Sebastian:** Are you attempting to turn the Fledgling against me?

**Nines:** You are perfectly capable of doing that on your own lmao

**Nines:** But no, I’m not. It’s their choice either way.

**Sebastian:** Hm. Good. I can never be certain with you. Always rabble-rousing and spewing propaganda.

**Nines:** Is it really propaganda if it’s true?

**Sebastian:** I’ll hear no more of this!

**Nines:** I mean hey, you’re the one that slid into my messages.

**Sebastian:** And thus I slide back out.

  
  


━━━━━━━━━━

  
  


**Suckhead Super Squad - Oct. 23rd 4:34 a.m.**

  
  
  


**i'm baby ♡:** haha little boat go brrrr

**best homeboy ever™:** all done? 

**i'm baby ♡:** you know it

**best homeboy ever™:** come here then

**i'm baby ♡:** i come when i’m there all the time ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Skelter:** i’m glad we can have these conversations

**your highness of horniness:** so am i (ง `ω´)۶

**vibe check chad:** How did it all go though

**i'm baby ♡:** oh it was pretty easy! just had to sneak a bit, i looked at the sarcophagus from the security cameras so i didn’t have to boogie between all those officers 

**i'm baby ♡:** no one got hurt either

**your dude of dudeliness:** Nice job, kid.

**vamp gramp:** Yes, you’ve done an exceptional job, neonate.

**i'm baby ♡:** i enjoy all this 💓praise💓

**surrogate mommy ♡:** It is well-earned.

**i'm baby ♡:** Therese 💕💕

**i'm baby ♡:** what have you all been up to?

**simp patrol:** me and the crew have been setting things up for another gaming session 

**simp patrol:** it's actually for you so you and Mercurio are welcome to come!

**i'm baby ♡:** yay!!!

**vamp gramp:** Would I be able to attend?

**simp patrol:** of course!!!

**your highness of horniness:** so many friends 💜

**vibe check chad:** I'm gonna go sicko mode on all your asses

**your dude of dudeliness:** Please let me win _once_.

**vibe check chad:** Only if you beg nicely

**best homeboy ever™:** Not even ask, beg lmao

**cannibabe:** While I am not part of this "crew", I have read through the chat logs.

**cannibabe:** You are all…

**cannibabe:** Very special.

**cannibabe:** I have come to understand your nicknames better as well.

**simp patrol:** yes, the lore is bountiful 

**cannibabe:** Do you truly patrol simps?

**simp patrol:** oh, absolutely 

**simp patrol:** just wait until Vandal and Therese are in here at the same time 

**simp patrol:** that is when I truly shine

**cannibabe:** I await this moment eagerly.

**vibe check chad:** Judging from you profile picture I'd say you get your fair share of simps too

**cannibabe:** Perhaps. But I enjoy the company of women, so it matters little.

**Skelter:** _@hot redhead hothead_

**hot redhead hothead:** pog

**i'm baby ♡:** oh hey _@surrogate daddy_

**surrogate daddy:** What?

**i'm baby ♡:** I saw you were getting bullied earlier

**i'm baby ♡:** but i want you to know

**i'm baby ♡:[i still appreciate you :)](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/14/84/d4/1484d4d0884a102f33058879268e55bb.jpg)**

**surrogate daddy:** I was _not_ being bullied and I do not need the appreciation of anyone

**Skelter:** I mean as the prince you kinda do lmao

**simp patrol:** Anyone: *tries to show Sebastian affection*

**simp patrol:** Sebastian: [Denied](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCvC4_6zkrs&feature=youtu.be)

**Jack:** I mean what'd you expect from a guy who pronounces his own name wrong?

**surrogate daddy:** It's not _wrong_ , it's just a preference.

**vibe check chad:** Imagine wanting to say your name correctly 

**vibe check chad:** This post was made by LaCroix Foundation

**best homeboy ever™:** You all need to take a nap 

**Jack:** I guess it is about that time, eh?

**your highness of horniness:** time for all us good little boys and girls to play dead !!

**simp patrol:** okay but before y'all do

**simp patrol:** _@vibe check chad, @your dude of dudeliness, @Jack, @vamp gramp, @history hoe, @Skelter, @best homeboy ever™, @i'm baby ♡_ we all on for Mario Kart tomorrow?

**Jack:** Absolutely!

**vamp gramp:** I will arrive at the decided time.

**history hoe:** Of course.

**vibe check chad:** Yessir

**your dude of dudeliness:** You know I will be.

**Skelter:** yup 

**best homeboy ever™:** Yeah I'm looking forward to it

**i'm baby ♡:** yeah me too!!

**simp patrol:** fucking sick 

**i'm baby ♡:** awesome we'll see you all tomorrow

**_i'm baby_ ** _and_ **_7 other(s)_ ** _have gone offline_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to keep everyone as in character as possible, but characterization isn't my strong suit so I apologize if I mess up a bit. I have an IQ of 4 please bear with me


End file.
